


Mixed Emotions

by Rachel500



Series: Aftershocks [37]
Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Episode Tag, F/M, Friendship, Gen, S2 Aftershocks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-06-26
Updated: 2007-06-26
Packaged: 2017-10-20 00:07:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/206687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rachel500/pseuds/Rachel500
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>TAG to Serpent's Song</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mixed Emotions

The wormhole disappeared and Samantha Carter heaved a sigh of relief. The visit from the Tok'ra had left her confused again, she thought sadly. Her time as a Tok'ra host had been brief but she still carried the memories and latent feelings of the symbiote, Jolinar and spending time with Jolinar's mate, Martouf and his symbiote, Lantash, had stirred everything up again. It was crazy, she mused, to feel such a bond with and a strong sense of love for someone, well, two someones, who she really didn't know at all.

'Carter.' Jack O'Neill's quiet prompt beside her had her turning startled to look at her CO. She had left him in the control room while she had demonstrated the GDO device to the Tok'ra.

'Sorry, sir. I was thinking.' Sam fell into step beside him as he led the way out of the gate room and made for the elevator.

Jack waited until they were safely in the privacy of the empty compartment before he turned to her again. 'You OK?' He shoved his hands in his pockets.

'Yes, sir.' Sam replied.

'Because you seemed a little distracted back there,' Jack noted, rocking back on his heels as his guarded brown eyes met hers.

Sam ducked her head and clasped her hands behind her back; an unconscious mimic of their Jaffa team-mate. She could feel the heat of her blush in her cheeks. 'It's fine, sir. I can handle it.'

'I wasn't suggesting you couldn't, Captain.' Jack replied, registering the defensive edge to her words. 'Look, Sam,' he tried another tactic, 'the whole last day can't have been easy for you; waiting for the Tok'ra only for Apophis to show up, that flashback you had of the Ashrak attack, the Tok'ra actually showing up…' he sighed at her set expression. 'I guess I just want you to know that…well,' he stumbled over his words, 'all I mean is that…if you want to talk, not that you would need to, but if you do…' He trailed away, frustrated with his own lack of eloquence.

Her blue eyes softened. 'Thank you, sir.' She smiled at Jack. 'Martouf was able to tell me how my Dad was doing.'

'And how is Dad?' Jack said brightly, seizing on the subject with enthusiasm.

'Good.' Sam said quickly. 'Apparently, he's already getting involved with the Council and Martouf said that he was teaching them Earth customs.'

'Should we be worried?' Jack commented lightly.

She gave a breezy laugh. 'Maybe.'

He nodded; satisfied that she'd lost the slightly haunted look in her eyes. 'You think you can work out how that Tollan communication device works?'

'I think so.' Sam said confidently. 'Daniel did see how the Tollan used it to contact the Nox so I think we should be able to figure it out.'

'Where did Teal'c and Daniel go anyway?' Jack wondered out loud.

Sam frowned. 'I don't know.' She bit her lip.

'What?' Jack asked.

'It's just…' Sam sighed, 'when I went to tell Daniel about identifying the radiation signature as the same as the box we gave to the Tok'ra, he was talking with Apophis and it looked pretty intense.'

'Intense?' Jack pressed.

'I don't know, sir,' Sam admitted, 'he just didn't seem very Daniel-like.' The small furrow that appeared between her brows gave away her agitation.

'Snake-boy did steal his wife, Carter.' Jack noted. 'I'd be pissed.'

'Yes, sir.' Sam frowned. 'I don't think it was easy for Teal'c either.'

'Yeah.' Jack murmured, wincing.

'We should check on them, sir.' Sam suggested.

'Yeah.' Jack agreed with a sigh of weary acceptance. 'We should.' He gestured at Sam. 'You take Daniel and I'll take Teal'c.'

'Right, sir.' Sam frowned as the elevator came to a stop at the wrong floor and she absently wondered whether either she or the Colonel had actually chosen a floor when they had entered.

'Your floor, Carter?' Jack waved at the open doors.

'No, sir.' She pressed the button to be taken to Daniel's office.

Jack recognised the floor level she had chosen and sighed. 'So where do you think Teal'c will be?'

'His quarters?' Sam suggested. The elevator slid to a halt and she nodded at her CO. 'Good luck, sir.'

'Thanks, Carter.' Jack said dryly.

Her lips twitched as the doors slid shut and he disappeared from view. She made her way quickly down the corridor to Daniel's office. She slowed as she approached the open doorway. She placed a hand on the doorframe and leaned in, frowning at the dim light given off by the single desk lamp that was lit. The rest of the room was shadowed and in darkness. She peered around but she couldn't see the archaeologist. She was about to leave when her ears picked up a vague rustling of clothing in the far corner.

'Daniel?' She called out softly.

There was silence.

She wondered if she had misheard and was about to turn away when her ears picked up on something else; a muffled sob. 'Daniel?' Her eyes narrowed on the corner and faintly she picked out her team-mate. Daniel was curled up in a ball with his arms over his bowed head.

Sam stepped inside and closed the door behind her quietly. She crossed over to the corner and slowly sat down beside the archaeologist. She placed a tentative hand on his arm. He turned to her so suddenly she was taken aback as his arms clamped around her tightly and he sobbed against her shoulder.

'It's OK.' She murmured gently. 'It's OK.' There was nothing she could do but hold onto him.

Time passed and Sam was acutely aware of Daniel's sobs lessening until finally he subsided with a sigh. He didn't raise his head and she stroked his hair softly.

'He wouldn't tell me.' Daniel said quietly.

She strained to hear him; his words were muffled into her shirt. 'He wouldn't tell you what, Daniel?'

'Where she was.' Daniel expanded. 'And now I've really lost her.'

Sam swallowed hard at the raw pain in his voice. On one level she was aware that Daniel's primary reason for his involvement with the Stargate programme was his search for Sha're. She was reminded again of how passionately Daniel had told the alien Machello that he would find her; Daniel was a man still very much in love with his wife.

Her own admittedly brief memories of Sha're were of a sweet, lovely woman who was equally very much in love with her husband. She had learnt of Sha're's feisty nature and independence of spirit through Daniel's stories of how his wife had helped lead the initial uprising on Abydos against Ra. Given the patriarchal nature of the Abydonian society, Sha're had Sam's admiration. More, his telling of Sha're's strength the last time he had seen his wife when Sha're had taken refuge on Abydos during a pregnancy that had forced the Goa'uld symbiote she carried, Ammonet, to remain dormant in order to protect the child, had earned the Abydonian woman Sam's respect. Her own brief experience as a host had been terrifying; she could only imagine the horrors the other woman was enduring.

'Just because Apophis was captured by Sokar, Daniel, it doesn't mean that Ammonet had the same fate.' Sam assured him.

'He wouldn't tell me where she was.' Daniel repeated. His hand swiped at his damp face.

'We'll find her, Daniel.' Sam promised him softly. 'Nobody's going to stop looking just because Apophis is dead.'

Daniel shifted away from her. He settled back against the wall and lifted up his glasses to rub at the moisture on his face with the back of his sleeve. He finally put his glasses back on and blinked at Sam wearily, his blue eyes rimmed with red. 'I'm sorry.'

'There's no need to apologise.' Sam admonished him. She reached out and squeezed his hand. 'You're entitled to be upset, Daniel.'

He shook his head and rested it on the wall, closing his eyes. 'He kept taunting me.'

She didn't know what to say and could only rub her fingers helplessly against his.

He jerked his hand away as he groaned and lowered his head to his knees. 'God, I was so stupid.'

'Daniel…'

His eyes snapped to hers. 'I told him I took the child; Sha're's baby.'

'Oh.' Sam made a face. That wasn't good news.

'How could I have been so stupid? I mean, if Sokar can revive him and he lives…' Daniel's head slumped back against the wall again. 'Stupid, stupid, stupid.' He muttered harshly, his head banging on the wall with each word.

'Daniel.' Sam grabbed hold of his hand and forced him into looking at her. 'You're not stupid. You couldn't have known.'

Her team-mate sighed and shook his head again. 'I was so sure he was going to die and,' tears sprang into his eyes again, 'he wouldn't tell me where she was. I just wanted to hurt him.' He laughed humourlessly. 'I even threatened to kill him.'

Sam found herself without words again. She could believe Daniel had meant it; she'd seen him shoot up a tank of infant Goa'uld once; the compassionate, kind Daniel who was her friend replaced by the angry, bitter husband who had lost his wife. It was difficult sometimes to reconcile the fact that they were the same man.

'He told me…' Daniel took a breath, 'Apophis told me he loved her.'

'Really?' Sam blurted out.

'I told him I didn't think so but I guess that's possible, isn't it?' Daniel mused. 'He really could love her.' He looked over at her. 'I mean, if he loved her, really loved her, he would protect her, wouldn't he? He'd treat her well and…'

'It's possible.' Sam quickly agreed. If it helped Daniel to think that Sha're had been treated well then...

'I mean if the Tok'ra can take mates like Martouf and Jolinar then maybe the Goa'uld can…' Daniel stopped as he saw Sam wince. 'Sorry, I didn't mean to…' he gestured at her.

She shook her head. 'It's OK.' Jolinar's relationship with Martouf had been in her official report from their first meeting with the Tok'ra, although she had omitted how she felt being around him. She wrapped her arms around her knees and rubbed them.

Daniel rubbed his nose as his mind shifted from his own day to consider Sam's. 'So, how are things with you?'

'I'm OK.' Sam said automatically.

He looked at sceptically.

'You know when we got the original radio transmission and we thought it was the Tok'ra, I'd hoped…,' she sighed, 'I wanted to see my Dad.'

'Well, that's only natural.' Daniel said. 'You've been worried about him.'

'A little.' Sam admitted. 'But, then, when it was Apophis…' She shrugged. 'Martouf said my Dad's doing OK.'

'Well, that's good, right?' Daniel asked, searching her thoughtful expression.

'I don't know.' She gestured at him. 'I guess I just wish it had been my Dad today and not Martouf.'

'I thought you'd be happy to see him.'

'I was but that's the weird thing.' Sam said. 'When he walked through the Stargate, I felt this rush of…of happiness but it wasn't really me. It was my memories of him from Jolinar.' She rested her chin on her knees.

'She obviously loved him a great deal.' Daniel murmured gently. 'So what do you feel about him?' He prompted as Sam fell silent.

'I don't know.' Sam said. 'You know when Lantash was telling us the Tok'ra couldn't protect us from Sokar and we couldn't expect them to?'

'I remember.' Daniel nodded.

'I felt…annoyance.'

Daniel laughed.

She smiled weakly. 'I think that's the first time I've really felt something myself for Martouf and Lantash.' She groaned. 'I'm terrible.'

'I think we were all annoyed,' Daniel reassured her, 'and when you think about it, it's a good sign.'

She looked at him quizzically in the poor light.

'You're starting to differentiate between how Jolinar used to feel about Martouf and how you feel.' He pointed out.

'True.' Sam squeezed his hand and let go of it. 'It's been one hell of day for everyone, huh?' She waved at Daniel. 'The Colonel went to check on Teal'c.'

Daniel looked momentarily confused about why Jack would want to check on Teal'c before the obvious answer came to him. 'Oh. _Oh_.' He smiled sheepishly. 'I have been wrapped up in myself, haven't I?'

'You have a good reason to be a little wrapped up.' Sam pulled a small face. 'I haven't exactly been unwrapped myself.' She fiddled with her boot laces and her eyes flickered over to Daniel. 'You want to go and find Teal'c and Colonel O'Neill?'

'Yeah.' Daniel pulled out a handkerchief and blew into it. 'I should probably go wash up first.'

'Come on.' Sam pushed off the floor and helped pull Daniel to his feet.

He kept hold of her hands for a moment. 'Thanks.'

She smiled at him warmly and he let go.

'So where do you think they'll be?' Sam asked as they opened the office door and walked out into the brightly lit corridor, blinking slightly.

'Well, what's Jack's usual answer to a bad day?' Daniel replied.

They looked at each other and grinned.

'Cake.' They said in unison.

o-O-o

Jack knocked on the door to Teal'c's quarters and stepped back. He frowned at the closed door. Maybe the Jaffa wasn't in his quarters, he mused as he shifted his weight restlessly from one foot to the other. He knew if it were him that he would want to pound on something. A passing Airman gave him a quizzical look and Jack glared at him. The young man hurried on. Jack sighed. Maybe he ought to check the gym. He was about to turn away when the door opened.

Teal'c filled the doorway. 'O'Neill.'

'Teal'c.' Jack responded guardedly. 'You have a minute?'

Teal'c stepped back allowing Jack to enter. The Colonel came to a confused halt in the centre of the room; the Jaffa had lit practically every candle in the place. It crossed Jack's mind that it was probably a fire hazard.

'Sorry.' Jack murmured. 'Were you about to kel no thingy?' He waved a hand at Teal'c as the Jaffa closed the door.

'I was attempting to do so.' Teal'c admitted.

'Do you want me to…' Jack jerked his thumb at the door. Teal'c had recently explained how the meditation helped his symbiote heal his body and Jack didn't want to get in the way of that.

Teal'c inclined his head. 'That will be unnecessary, O'Neill.' His eyes darkened. 'I have been unable to achieve kel no reem. I believe my symbiote is most distressed at the death of Apophis.'

'Actually, that's why I wanted to come talk to you.' Jack admitted. He pulled out a chair from the desk and sat down.

Teal'c sank onto the end of the bed and looked expectantly at the Colonel.

Jack cleared his throat. 'How are you doing with…' he searched for an appropriate euphemism and pulled a face when his mind failed to supply one, 'all this?'

'I do not understand your question, O'Neill.'

Jack pressed his lips together and examined Teal'c's face; there were times when the Jaffa did kid around about not understanding the subtleties of the language and Jack wondered if this was one of them. If it was, there was no clue of it in Teal'c's features and Jack sighed. 'How are you doing with the death of Apophis?'

Teal'c arched an elegant eyebrow as though surprised at the question. 'I am most satisfied.' His face took on a supremely smug look.

'He was a God to you once.' Jack pointed out.

'A False God.' Teal'c rejoined. 'And now he is a dead False God.'

Jack nodded at the absolute certainty within the Jaffa's voice, the lack of anything but the satisfaction Teal'c had claimed he had felt. 'You don't think this Sokar guy will bring him back to life?'

'Indeed, Sokar is likely to revive Apophis to torture him many times, but it is unlikely that he will ultimately allow Apophis to live.' Teal'c said solemnly.

'Well,' Jack said brightly, 'I guess that about covers it.' He stood up.

'There is another matter we should discuss, O'Neill.'

Jack looked at his friend questioningly.

'With Apophis now dead, the possibility exists that I may return to Chulak without reprisal.' Teal'c said quietly.

Jack sat back down abruptly, taken aback by Teal'c's words. That possibility had never crossed Jack's mind. 'Really?' He blurted out.

'It would be difficult,' Teal'c allowed, 'but without Apophis I believe my fellow Jaffa would be more open to my return.'

'I see.' Jack wondered what to say. He didn't want to lose Teal'c; apart from the obvious advantage of having a warrior like Teal'c in the team, Jack didn't want to lose the Jaffa who had become a close friend to him. He figured Daniel and Sam would also be upset to see the big guy leave.

'It may even be possible for Drey'auc and Rya'c to return with me,' Teal'c continued, 'for us to live as a family once more.'

Jack's heart ached a little; sadness and envy at his own loss. He had once had the family Teal'c had; a wife and a son. How could he deny Teal'c the opportunity to be reunited with his?

'However,' Teal'c murmured, 'I am not unaware that our work is not yet done. Sokar lives as do many other Goa'uld. I stayed once before for such a reason when I believed Apophis had perished on the mother-ship we destroyed.'

'That's true.' Jack jumped on the Jaffa's statement eagerly. 'I mean, there's a lot of Goa'uld. You know,' he gestured, 'out there.'

'Indeed.' Teal'c responded.

Jack shifted awkwardly in his chair and sighed heavily. He rested his elbows on his knees and leaned forward, clasping his hands together, as he met Teal'c's dark gaze. 'What do you want to do?'

The muscle in Teal'c's jaw clenched; a sign of how difficult a question it was for the Jaffa. 'I do not know.' He admitted finally.

Jack nodded slowly. He'd be conflicted if he had to make the choice, Jack mused. Continue fighting for the greater good or personal happiness? It was never an easy decision to make for anyone, especially when the individual involved had a highly evolved sense of honour. In his case there wasn't really a choice to be made; he had no family and he was responsible for Earth attracting the attention of the Goa'uld in the first place by killing Ra. Teal'c, on the other hand…

'Maybe,' Jack said carefully, 'it just comes down to your reasons for being here, Teal'c.'

Teal'c blinked at him. 'I had no place else to go, O'Neill, once I had helped free you and the rest of the prisoners on Chulak.'

'I was thinking of the broader reason.' Jack said, trying to keep his frustration out of his voice. 'You know, ensuring your son didn't live as a slave…freeing your people.'

Teal'c looked at him for a long moment.

'Now I know you could go back to Chulak and continue to fight for those goals, Teal'c, but how much support would you have, really?' Jack continued. 'I mean, Bra'tac only managed to scare up a couple of allies amongst your fellow Jaffa when we were on a Goa'uld mother-ship full of Jaffa. And then there's a question of weapons and supplies.'

'You speak wisely, O'Neill.' Teal'c admitted thoughtfully. 'I know there is much work yet to be done to undo the centuries of indoctrination that my people have been subjected to by the Goa'uld.'

'Then, stay.' Jack said. 'Let us help you.'

Teal'c remained silent considering Jack's words.

Jack waved at him. 'Look, Teal'c, only you can make this decision. All I want you to know is that if you did leave, well, I'd, uh, I'd miss you.' He determinedly met Teal'c's surprised gaze. 'And I know Carter and Daniel would feel the same way but we'd all understand you wanting to be with your family, Teal'c.' He stood up. 'Why don't I leave you to it?'

'There is no need. I have made my decision, O'Neill.' Teal'c said, getting to his feet.

Jack looked at him hopefully.

'If my son is to be truly free, it is not only Apophis who must die,' Teal'c began. 'All the Goa'uld must be destroyed.' He met Jack's anxious gaze. 'I will continue to fight by your side to achieve this.'

Jack grinned. 'That's good to hear, Teal'c.'

Teal'c bowed his head. 'If I had left, I would also have missed Captain Carter and Daniel Jackson.'

Jack frowned as he realised Teal'c had excluded him in the statement and he stared hard at his friend. Teal'c looked guilelessly back at him. Jack sighed at the Jaffa's humour. 'Funny, Teal'c.'

Teal'c's dark eyes gleamed momentarily with amusement.

'Cake?' Jack asked, indicating the door with his head.

Teal'c nodded in acquiescence and the two men made their way to the commissary. They picked up their food; chocolate cake for Jack and a tray of fruit and a couple of sandwiches for Teal'c. They sat down at their usual table and began eating.

Jack had barely taken a couple of mouthfuls when he spotted Daniel and Sam entering the mess. He waved at them in acknowledgement and was pleased to see them wave back. A few minutes later, they joined him and Teal'c at the table; Daniel took the seat next to the colonel and Sam slid in beside Teal'c.

Jack looked with interest at Daniel's peach pie.

Daniel sighed and pushed his glasses up his nose. 'You want some?'

'I'll give you half the chocolate cake.' Jack offered as he eagerly pushed his plate across to take half the pie.

They exchanged food and they all settled into eating for a few minutes.

'So, what do we think of this guy Sokar?' Jack asked casually.

'He is a most dangerous opponent.' Teal'c said.

'That particle beam he used on the iris is incredible.' Sam added. 'We have nothing like that.'

'Could we build something like that?' Daniel asked interested.

'Why would you build something like that?' Jack replied before Sam could. 'What would be the point?'

'It is advanced technology, Jack.' Daniel pointed out. 'Isn't that our mission?'

'Well, we're still a long way off being able to build one ourselves.' Sam answered hurriedly. 'Until today, most scientists didn't believe it could be done.' Her face creased in concentration. 'But Sokar has proven that it can be so it must just be a question of getting the math right. Of course, even if we understand the theory, the practicalities of building a particle beam generator are enormous and…'

'I'm sure you'll work it out.' Jack interjected, waving his fork at her across the table. 'Although I'm still not sure what you'd use the thing for.'

Sam hid a smile.

'Is it not a powerful weapon?' Teal'c picked up his second sandwich and looked in satisfaction at the turkey filling.

'I don't know.' Jack said. 'Can it do more than burn through an iris?'

'Well, sir,' Sam began.

'Rhetorical question.' Jack stopped her before she could get started. 'How did we get onto this anyway?'

'You inquired as to our opinion about the Goa'uld Sokar, O'Neill.' Teal'c replied.

'You know the stuff I told you earlier in the office barely touches the surface of the mythology about him.' Daniel said eagerly. It's fascinating, really…'

'Gah!' Jack closed his eyes briefly and reopened them to look at his amused team-mates. He glanced down at his empty plate with resignation. 'I'm going to need more cake.' He announced with all the authority befitting the leader of SG1.

Teal'c looked briefly at Daniel and Sam who smiled back at him, and then at Jack. His dark eyes gleamed mischievously. 'Indeed.'

fin.


End file.
